Perfectionist? Me? No Way. [I thought.]
I used to be certain I wasn’t a perfectionist. But a deep dive into my own shadows over the past couple of years revealed some surprising truths.
Here’s why I didn’t think I had perfectionist tendencies:
- I can be a chronic procrastinator.
- I often hit “post” or deliver assignments before triple-checking every word.
- I shy away from competing with other women, especially outside of sports.
- I love trying new activities without worrying about failing.
- I’m definitely not a Type-A, hyper-achiever.
So, with all these “non-perfectionist” behaviors, how could I be one?
But when I really dug into the reasons behind these behaviors, I found they were driven by perfectionism in ways I hadn’t even realized.
Why Perfectionism Drove My Procrastination and Avoidance
- Procrastination? It wasn’t about being lazy; I was just trying to avoid putting something out there that wasn’t “good enough.” By waiting until the last minute, I gave myself an excuse for any imperfections.
- Avoiding Competition? It wasn’t about being scared of other women; I was afraid of losing—and the story I would tell myself about it if I did.
- Taking on Challenges? The bigger, the better! I set unrealistic goals so I could “fail” without anyone expecting success—and that gave me the perfect out.
But that’s not freedom. That’s perfectionism dressed as procrastination, avoidance, and self-sabotage.
The Myth of Perfection
Perfectionism often wears many faces.
It sounds like:
- “I must perform flawlessly in all areas of my life while making it look easy.”
- Or, “I must make sure I have a really good excuse for not performing at a high level.”
It looks like:
- A tendency to demand perfection from ourselves (and others) instead of embracing mistakes and imperfection.
- Or, the self-sabotage of avoiding competition or massive goals so there’s no pressure for perfection.
Its main strategy for approval?
- To be the best at everything. Or to avoid trying, just to protect yourself from failure.
But either way, perfectionism robs you of your creative confidence, vulnerability, and authenticity—and leaves your nervous system in a state of imbalance.
Does any of this resonate with you?
When you evaluate your own behaviors, look at the WHY behind them. Are you protecting yourself from failure? Or are you trying to prove something?
Is There a Healthy Level of Perfectionism?
You might be thinking, “Kristin, surely there’s a healthy level of perfectionism. How else do you explain all those Type-A people who are so successful?”
Well, here’s the truth: there is no such thing as “perfect” when it comes to human beings. Perfectionism will only leave you stuck in feelings of failure, no matter how much you achieve.
And those so-called “successful” perfectionists? Underneath all the achievements, they tend to stress more, feel more anxiety, and struggle to bounce back from setbacks. Success without perfectionism is far more liberating.
How to Balance Your Perfectionist Tendencies
It’s healthy to strive for your best, but it’s important to shift your mindset away from perfection.
Instead of striving for flawlessness, set high—but achievable—standards. This will give you a sense of satisfaction and increase your self-esteem without pushing you to the brink of burnout.
Awareness is the first step to breaking the habit of perfectionism. Then, look at your thought distortions—those habitual patterns of thinking that tend to be inaccurate or overly critical. Common distortions for perfectionists include:
- Discounting the positive (e.g., focusing on a mistake and ignoring the positive feedback you received).
- Black-and-white thinking (e.g., thinking eating one cookie ruins your entire diet).
- “Must-erbation” (living by unrealistic, impossible demands).
Combatting Perfectionism: A Simple Action
Choose one of these distortions that applies to you, and keep a log for a week. When you catch the thought, thank it for its wisdom, but then choose to shift the narrative. For example, if someone compliments your speech, acknowledge the flaw, but also accept the compliment. Your speech may not have been flawless, but you received positive feedback for a reason.
Embrace Progress, Not Perfection
If you’re ready to embrace change and ditch the perfectionism that’s holding you back, I’ve got something for you: my Soul Care Checklist. This free resource is packed with actionable steps that will help you get unstuck, reconnect with yourself, and practice simple rituals that nourish your soul.
You deserve to be fully YOU—without all the perfectionism weighing you down.