On root wisdom, sacred boundaries, and remembering how to grow
I didn’t set out to propagate plants.
But somewhere in my early spring season, I started channeling my latent creative passion into my family’s short term rental setups, and discovered I had a knack for creating cozy, welcoming places. This led to a fetish with plants as living decorations, and then an obsession with tying knots into macrame plant hangers. And in order to have enough plants to go into the plant hangers –without going broke– I decided to try my hand at propagating.
When a small army of baby philodendrons and spider plants began to overtake my window sills –and, thanks to the macrame plant hangers– my walls, and ceiling, I noticed something:
The plants weren’t just surviving. They were sensing. Adjusting. Remembering. And in their quiet way, they were asking a question I had long forgotten how to ask myself:
What do I need in order to grow?
In our culture, we’re taught that intelligence lives in the head. That logic is king. That healing is linear. That transformation is a 5-step checklist, and if you don’t transform “properly” you’re a failure.
But the Wildwoven Way—and, it turns out, a whole new wave of plant cognition research—whispers something different.
“Where there is life, there is already mind.”
That’s Paco Calvo, founder of the Minimal Intelligence Lab in Spain.
His research on plant behavior suggests that what we think of as “cognition” isn’t something that happens in the brain alone (or even at all), but something that happens in the relationship between an organism and its environment.
In the sensing. The adapting. The timing. The flow.
Which sounds a lot like the Wildwoven Framework to me.
So what if we let plants remind us not just of who we are, but how we change?
Below are three plant-inspired metaphors—paired with the Wildwoven seasons they reflect—and a few gentle invitations for each one. They’re not steps. They’re not to-dos. They’re threads to follow if it feels right to you.
❄️ WINTER | Root Apex ↔ Root Medicine
Stillness. Deep sensing. Restoring the roots.
The root apex is the sensitive, subterranean tip of a plant’s root system. It’s where sensing and adaptation begin—detecting moisture, nutrients, gravity, and even kinship. It’s how the plant knows where to grow, even in the dark.
But here’s the thing: the root apex lives underground. Unseen. Slow. Quiet.
Just like the Winter season of transformation.
This is the season our culture tells us to skip—when everything visible seems still, –and therefore, according to western culture, unimportant—but everything essential is happening beneath the surface.
This is where gut-level clarity begins.
Where the soul whispers instead of shouts.
Where we stop performing and start listening.
🌾 Winter Invitations:
Honor your need for quiet before clarity.
Notice what your roots are reaching for—and what they’re pulling away from.
Resist the urge to “make meaning” too soon. Just sense.
Trust that the dark is fertile, not empty.
What if your next chapter is already germinating… but just isn’t visible yet?
🌱 EARLY SPRING | Sensorimotor Intelligence ↔ Emergence
The first green shoots. Tender yeses. Gentle experiments.
In early spring, plants don’t explode into bloom—they explore. They sense. Shift. Respond. Pause.
What plant cognition reveals is that plants aren’t passive or predictable. They don’t simply react—they interpret. They remember past threats. They anticipate the sun. They adapt their growth based on current and changing conditions.
This is the sacred intelligence of early spring: Tiny movements with massive wisdom behind them.
When you’re in the early spring season of transformation, it’s easy to doubt yourself. You’re fragile but stirring. You may feel like you’re “not doing enough.” But emergence isn’t performance—it’s a series of conversations with the world.
🌾 Spring Invitations:
Let your growth be guided by sensation instead of pressure.
Try one small, brave thing—then pause and listen for feedback. Not external feedback, internal feedback. How did it feel? What would you adjust?
Trust your ability to adapt in real time.
Begin before you feel 100% ready.
What if readiness is revealed through the doing, not before it?
🌼 LATE SPRING / EARLY SUMMER | Photosynthesis ↔ Creative Expression
Unfurling. Play. Wild bloom. Voice.
Photosynthesis is how plants turn light into nourishment. Creative expression is how we do the same.
Your poems, your voice, your rewilded joy, your full-body laugh in the middle of a hard day—these are not “extras.” They’re how your soul eats. They’re how you metabolize aliveness.
And just like plants don’t photosynthesize in darkness, we can’t keep creating from a place of depletion, shame, or silence.
In the Late Spring and Summer seasons of transformation, expression isn’t just allowed—it’s essential.
🌾 Late Spring and Summer Invitations:
Let something bloom without apologizing for it.
Create from joy, not just urgency.
Let visibility be a form of nourishment—not a transaction.
Say what you actually want to say.
What if your creativity is how the light gets into the world?
🐦🔥 ROOTED SUMMER | Shade Avoidance ↔ Boundaries as Direction
Embodiment. Discernment. Deep aliveness.
Plants can sense when they’re entering crowded territory. They absorb red light but reflect far-red light—so if the far-red increases, they know they’re surrounded and can choose to grow in a different direction.
This is called shade avoidance.
They’re not avoiding out of fear. They’re discerning where they can thrive.
What a beautiful reframe for boundaries.
In the rooted Summer season of transformation, we don’t set boundaries to shut the world out—we set them to grow toward the light.
We’re not avoiding people—we’re attuning to where our energy is best invested.
🌾 Rooted Summer Invitations:
Let your boundaries be data, not drama.
Notice where you’re shrinking—and redirect.
Ask: “Where is the light now?”
Practice saying no with compassion and conviction.
What if your boundaries are the blueprint for your next evolution?
🌾 So… What season are you in?
If you’re reading this and nodding, maybe you’re already on the Wildwoven path. Or maybe it’s been calling to you for a while now.
This isn’t about plants, really.
It’s about remembering how to be a living thing in a world that treats us like machines.
Hi. I’m Transformation Coach, Kristin Halberg.
My work is rooted in story, nervous system wisdom, and nature’s blueprint for transformation.
I don’t offer 10-step programs—I offer companionship, reflection, and a map made of seasons.
When the people erasing history are the least qualified to lead, we have to ask: What are they so afraid of?
Something is happening.
Quietly.
Systematically.
And most people don’t even know it’s underway.
You won’t hear about it on the nightly news. There won’t be a siren. No front-page headlines.
Just a quiet, digital deletion— Of thousands of names. Thousands of stories. Entire legacies of service, risk, and sacrifice… gone.
As I watched Greta Gerwig’s Little Women with my mom and sister at Field Hall’s Women’s History Month celebration the other night, I was reminded that Jo March’s battle to have her voice heard is far from over—because even now, women’s stories are being erased.
The struggle to be seen, to be heard, to have one’s work recognized as valuable—it’s not just a personal battle.
It’s political.
It’s historical.
It almost happened to me in high school.
And it’s happening right now.
The Power of a Community That Says No
I grew up in a small town. A town where fairness was valued.
A town where when thegirls’ basketball team was the one dominating the playoffs, we were the ones who played in the prime 7 PM slot—because that’s when the community could show up for us.
We packed the stands.
We traded practice times with the boys’ team every other week.
Our coach even pulled some of the varsity boys into practice against us to push us to improve. (And we beat them sometimes.)
We were respected. Our skills and our success were recognized.
And then we got a new superintendent.
He came in with an agenda.
First? Move the girls’ team out of the gym entirely –to the cafetorium, which wasn’t even a full-sized basketball court. He also suggested we could practice before school –so the boys team would have full access to the gym in the afternoon and evening.
The second thing he tried? Taking away our prime-time games and moving us to the 4:15 PM game slot.
His reasoning?
Well, he might not have said it outright.
But it was clear: He didn’t believe girls’ basketball deserved the spotlight.
But here’s the thing: The community pushed back.
And we won.
The girls’ team stayed in the gym. We continued trading gym times with the boys. We kept our 7 PM games. The superintendent had to back down.
This was not a fight about politics.
This was a fight about fairness. About values. About doing what’s right.
People in my town—regardless of party, background, or beliefs—stood up for the truth.
They saw what was happening and said, “No. That’s not how we do things here.”
And that’s what we need now … in our country.
This Isn’t Just My Story—It’s a Pattern
The latest example of the attempted erasure of women?
Women who served in the military.
The Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASP) were among the first women to fly military aircraft in WWII. Over 25,000 applied for this dangerous work. Only 1,074 were accepted. They ferried new planes, tested overhauled ones, and even flew as live target practice for training gunners.
Thirty-eight of them died serving a country that refused to drape a flag over their coffins.
Now, their photographs and records—along with tens of thousands of others documenting women and minorities in the military—are being deleted from government archives as part of Trump’s latest executive order under Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth.
The justification? A return to “merit.”
Which begs the question: Whose merit?
Hegseth himself, a Fox News loyalist with no experience managing anything close to the scale of the Defense Department, is hardly a beacon of qualification.
The very people who scream “merit” are the same ones whose own credentials wouldn’t survive scrutiny. And yet, they’re in power, wielding the delete key as if history itself is an inconvenience.
Women Shouldn’t Be Footnotes in History—Without Us There Wouldn’t BE History
We need to push back against the erasure of women’s history not because it’s a political issue, but because it’s the truth.
Because truth matters. Because fairness matters. Because recognizing real achievement matters.
When women’s history is deleted from military archives, it’s not just about the past.
It’s about the future.
It’s about what young girls see when they look back and look ahead.
Will they see a legacy of courage and contribution? Or will they see blank spaces where their stories should have been?
The most dangerous thing women can do is refuse to disappear.
So let’s do exactly that.
Let’s tell these stories. Let’s demand they be preserved.
Let’s remind those in power that women are not footnotes in history—we are the creators of it. The ones who birth every leader, every soldier, every man who’s ever tried to erase us.
When we talk about transformation, we rarely acknowledge how deeply it reshapes us.
Even during pregnancy, we focus on the physical changes—the expanding belly, the shifting weight.
But the transformation runs far deeper. Pregnancy rewires the brain, reshapes identity, and even leaves behind literal, cellular traces in the body forever.
What if we recognized that change isn’t just logistical—it’s biological, psychological, and deeply personal? That even the most chosen reinvention rattles the very foundation of who we thought we were?
Because here’s the thing: Change isn’t just about what’s next. It’s about what’s falling away.
The Five Pillars of Identity—And What Happens When They Collapse
Who we are is built on layers—some visible, some hidden.
Five core pillars shape our sense of self:
What we do (our roles and work).
Who we belong to (relationships and community).
What we understand (knowledge and confidence in how the world works).
How much control we have (our ability to shape our lives).
What gives life meaning (our belief systems—the thing that holds it all together).
When one of these shifts, we wobble. When they all collapse at once? We come undone.
When Everything Falls Apart at Once
In one calendar year, I lost every foundational piece of who I thought myself to be.
I was fired from the company I had grown up in—not because of performance, but because I stood up to a toxic boss.
All of my close friends were immersed in the early years of motherhood—while I was still single.
I was in grad school, drowning in the “conscious incompetence” phase of learning, no longer confident in what I knew.
And then—the earthquake I never saw coming—my large, tightly woven family fractured in a way that left deep cracks we still feel 18 years later.
If my job was my stability, my family was my gravity. We weren’t just close—we were woven together, each of us anchoring the others, for better or worse. Family wasn’t just a part of life; it was the bedrock of who I knew myself to be in the world. And then, suddenly, the foundation split.
So there I was, untethered. No job. No clear path. No steady relationships. No certainty about who I was becoming.
I’d faced big transitions before. I’d reinvented myself, changed careers, weathered breakups, and found my way back to solid ground.
But never all at once. Never like this.
This time, I had no job. No clear path. No steady relationships. No certainty about who I was becoming.
But I still had one thing left to trust.
When everything else in my life felt uncertain, I had nature.
It was my constant, my quiet refuge. I grew up listening to the rhythm of waves, tracing the seasons like a second heartbeat. If nothing else, I could trust this: Nature had a rhythm. It had a wisdom. It made sense.
So, in the middle of my unraveling, I did the only thing that had ever made me feel steady: I turned on a nature documentary.
“Ahhh. At least Nature still has my back. So soothing.”
I settled in, watching a mama horse nuzzle her baby. See? Beautiful. Predictable. Comforting.
And then—a stallion came racing over and kicked the baby horse to death.
I shot up, turned off the TV, and shook my fist at the sky.
“Even caterpillars get a stick!!”
The Myth of the Smooth Transition
The caterpillar goes into the chrysalis thinking it knows itself. It is a fuzzy little land creature, it munches leaves, it has a plan.
Then one day, everything inside of it turns to goo.
No legs. No body. Just a primordial soup of cells trying to remember what comes next. And here’s the kicker: even in its most melted-down, what-the-actual-hell-is-happening-to-me moment, the caterpillar still gets a stick. A tiny branch to hang from while it un-becomes itself.
Humans? We don’t get that.
Or at least, we don’t think we do—because modern culture treats transition like a self-improvement project instead of an existential reckoning.
Right now, we treat major life changes as isolated, intellectual events. We plan for them, but we don’t prepare for them. We expect people to just “figure it out.”
Leaders are given new roles but not the space to integrate their evolving identity.
Activists burn themselves out because our culture treats urgency as more valuable than sustainability.
We are given barely a moment to grieve before we’re expected to move on—before the loss even finishes echoing in our bones.
People walk away from entire versions of their lives—careers, relationships, belief systems, communities—and are told to “just be grateful” instead of being supported through the grief that naturally comes with it. (And to be clear: I don’t mean death or reincarnation—I mean the profound identity shifts that come with major life transitions, the kind that feel like leaving one version of yourself behind to become another.)
We don’t talk about how reinvention feels like losing your native language. We don’t acknowledge that you can want something deeply and still mourn what it’s replacing.
And so, instead of creating systems of care for transformation, we push through it alone—convincing ourselves that struggle is just part of the deal.
What If We Did It Differently?
What if we approached leadership growth, activism, and personal reinvention the way we approach matrescence?
What if we gave people sticks while they melted into something new?
What would change if we:
Treated career shifts like identity shifts, offering actual support instead of assuming competence will carry people through?
Built activism structures that sustained people beyond crisis moments?
Created rituals around transitions—so people felt witnessed, not just expected to adapt?
Because the truth is, transformation doesn’t work on a corporate timeline. It’s a Wildwoven process—seasonal, cyclical, deeply personal.
And here’s where I come in.
My work is about guiding people through these wild, uncharted shifts. Helping them navigate the messy middle and emerge on the other side, not just changed, but rooted in who they were meant to become.
If you’re in a season of reinvention—whether in leadership, activism, or your personal life—you don’t have to figure it out alone.
🌿 Navigating a Major Life Transition? Find Out Where You Are in the Cycle.
“Transformation doesn’t happen on a corporate timeline. It follows seasons, cycles, and deep internal shifts. If you’re in the middle of a big change—career shifts, leadership growth, activism, or reinvention—you don’t have to navigate it blindly.”
Think of it as a compass for your comeback. The assessment helps place you in the season of transformation you’re in—so you can stop fighting where you are and start workingwiththe natural rhythm of change.
🔹 What happens next?
You’ll receive a guide packed with a blend of science-backed, soul-centered strategies designed to fit the natural rhythm every transformation follows.
Who it’s for:Women navigatingidentity-shaking transitions. Whether you’re shedding an old version of yourself, deep in the unknown, stepping into something new…or figuring out how to speak your truth inside the chaos of these times.
The Messy Middle: Where the Magick of Transformation Happens
Have you ever set off on an adventure, sure of where you were headed—only to have everything shift in ways you never saw coming?
I get it.
The Magick You Can’t Plan For
I stood enchanted on the ruins of PhuyupatamarcaI –ancient ruins along the Inca Trail in Peru.
It was late, and the sky was impossibly clear. The kind of clear you only get when you’re high in the mountains—8,900 feet high, to be exact—and miles away from the nearest village.
The moon hung low over the ruins, washing the ancient stones in silver light. Mist curled over the terraces, rising from the valley below like veils of time, sliding between the stones, caressing the landscape with ethereal fingers.
Above me, the stars were so bright—so thick—that it felt like I could reach up and drink them in.
I stood there, surrounded by the echoes of a civilization long gone, feeling small in the best possible way.
The air was alive with a stillness so deep it hummed in my bones.
Even the voices of my fellow trekkers faded away to nothing, like magick.
Standing there, wrapped in that stillness, I felt like I’d stepped out of time, like I was part of something vast and unseen.
Or in a scene from The Lord of the Rings.
It felt sacred.
My whole body hummed. I felt connected to the stars!
It was the third night of my five-day trek along the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, the bucket-list wonder beloved by people around the world. I could hardly wait to stand amidst the ruins of Machu Picchu itself.
I expected to feel even more of a sacred connection there, to sense the souls of all the pilgrims who had sought the wisdom of the ancients since the Incas fashioned the citadel in the 15th Century.
When Expectations Meet Reality
Instead? Machu Picchu was beautiful.
But in comparison, it felt like a tourist destination. Even though we were allowed in before the throngs of people arrived by train, there were already hundreds of visitors milling about, cameras clicking, voices echoing against the stones.
I kept waiting for that same feeling to hit me—that deep, wordless connection.
But it never did.
And while standing on its terraces makes for great bragging rights, when I look back on that trek, it isn’t Machu Picchu that sends a thrill through my bones.
It’s Phuyupatamarca that I remember with wonder.
That night, wrapped in silver light and silence, stays with me.
When the Journey Surprises You
Isn’t it funny how we set our sights on something—convinced that’s the thing we want—only to get there and realize it was never about the destination at all?
👉 Maybe that’s where you are right now. You thought you knew what your life was supposed to look like—who you were supposed to be—but everything has shifted. Now, the path ahead feels uncertain, like you’re wandering through the mist, waiting for clarity that never quite arrives.
👉 Maybe you feel paralyzed, exhausted, unsure of what step to take next. Or maybe you’ve spent so long trying to be who others expect you to be that you don’t even know what you want anymore.
👉 And I know—it’s tempting to want the answers now. To just skip ahead to the part where it all makes sense.
👉 But what if the magick is already unfolding? Right here. In this in-between space. Even if you can’t see it yet.
We think it’s about reaching the summit, crossing the finish line, arriving at the dream job, the perfect relationship, the life-changing moment.
But more often, it’s about something else entirely.
A feeling we didn’t expect.
A moment we couldn’t have planned.
A serendipitous turn that leads us somewhere even better.
And we only see it looking back—the way the journey itself was quietly reshaping us, showing us what we really wanted all along.
When You’re in the Messy Middle
For the women I work with, this desire for clarity often comes in the messy middle. When everything feels uncertain. When the life they thought they wanted has crumbled, or when they’re stuck in a fog of doubt, exhaustion, and self-questioning.
It’s easy to think, If I could just get there—if I could just feel confident again, if I could just know for sure what’s next—then I’d be okay.
But what if the magick is unfolding right now?
In the moments you can’t yet see as turning points? In the unexpected whispers of intuition, the tiny sparks of curiosity, the glimpses of wonder that catch you off guard?
What’s Been Your Phuyupatamarca Moment?
What’s been your Phuyupatamarca moment?
The time when the real magick wasn’t in the THING you thought you wanted, but in the moments of wonder and synchronicity along the way?
Tell me in the comments—I’d love to hear your story.
Ready to Invite More Magick into Your Journey?
Try this:
Step outside, place your hand on your heart, and ask: What unexpected magick is unfolding for me right now?
Stay open for a sign. 🌿
👉 Reminder: You don’t need all the answers. Just take the next step. Breathe. Trust that the path is unfolding—even in the uncertainty.
And if you need a little extra support along the way, I’m here for you.
Have you ever felt like life pulled the rug out from under you, leaving you unsure of who you are or where to go next? Perhaps you’ve experienced heartbreak, faced a health crisis, navigated a major life transition, or found yourself questioning your identity after years of following the “rules.” If this resonates, you’re not alone—and transformation coaching might be exactly what you need.
What Is Transformation Coaching?
Transformation coaching is a holistic approach to personal growth that supports you during times of deep change. It’s not just about setting goals or creating action plans (though we’ll do that too). It’s about helping you reconnect with your true self, heal emotional wounds, and create a life aligned with your values and desires.
Unlike therapy, which often focuses on past trauma, or traditional life coaching, which emphasizes external achievements, transformation coaching addresses the emotional and energetic shifts needed to navigate identity-shaking transitions. It’s about empowering you to step into the most authentic version of yourself.
Common Challenges Women Face
Life’s challenges have a way of leaving us feeling stuck, lost, or unsure of who we are. Women often come to transformation coaching because they’re experiencing:
Shame or self-doubt after a major life event like infidelity, divorce, or a health diagnosis.
Loss of identity after becoming a mother, ending a long-term relationship, or experiencing a career change.
Emotional overwhelm from juggling the demands of single motherhood, caregiving, or personal healing.
A longing for more meaning, purpose, and fulfillment but not knowing where to start.
How I Help You Rediscover Your Magick
As a Transformation Coach, I specialize in guiding women through these identity-shaking changes to help them ditch shame, reclaim their unique magick, and cultivate deep self-love. My approach blends decades of leadership experience with powerful tools like:
Neuroscience-backed techniques: Rewire limiting beliefs and create lasting, positive change.
Shamanic healing practices: Release emotional blocks, tap into your intuition, and find inner peace.
Expressive arts and journaling: Explore your emotions and rediscover your creativity as a path to healing.
Nature rituals: Reconnect with the natural world to ground yourself and find clarity.
This work isn’t about “fixing” you. It’s about helping you remember your inherent worth and guiding you back to a place of self-love and steadfast confidence.
Real Stories of Transformation
One client, a single mother navigating several big changes in her life, came to me because she was stressed and overwhelmed with all the choices facing her. Through our work together, she learned to set healthy boundaries, make positive choices for herself and her son, and build a life that felt meaningful and joyful. Today, she’s got her own business, and feels more empowered than ever before.
Another client, recovering from infidelity, worked with me to heal her heartbreak and rebuild her confidence. By the end of our time together, she had not only found peace but had also uncovered a deeper sense of self-worth and resilience.
Is Transformation Coaching Right for You?
If you’re:
Tired of feeling stuck or overwhelmed,
Ready to heal from shame and self-doubt,
Longing to rediscover your purpose and passions, or
Craving a life that feels deeply aligned with your true self…
Then transformation coaching could be the catalyst you need. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Take the First Step
Are you ready to ditch the shame, reclaim your power, and love yourself clear down to your bones?
Let’s talk. I invite you to schedule a free discovery call to explore how transformation coaching can support you on your journey.
Reflections on a Challenging Year: Finding Meaning Beyond the Struggle
I scoffed at the student motivational speaker at my nephew’s graduation.
Her speech was uplifting—full of big dreams and bold declarations about how she and her classmates were going to change the world. Normally, speeches like this get me teary-eyed, filling me with HOPE that the next generation might actually save us.
The weight of grief clouded any sense of hope, and I couldn’t see past the pain to recognize the potential for growth.
“Yeah right,” I muttered internally. “Just wait thirty years. Half of you will be in active addiction, and the other half will be sucked right into the greedy capitalist dream.”
Navigating grief is a challenging journey. In the midst of our loss, my partner and I struggled, neither of us able to face clients, let alone ‘market’ our businesses.
These weren’t our best moments. Justin spent his days deep in online political debates, while I spent the first half of the year binge-watching Marvel shows. I wanted to BE Jessica Jones—her brand of sarcasm and self-deprecation hit me right in the feels.
The Turning Point
A few weeks later, still horrified at my jaded thoughts during that graduation, I decided my depression had gone on long enough. So I did what I always do when I feel stuck—I researched my way out.
I found an online course that promised inspiration, and one of the first activities was to reflect and harvest my year.
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need to do this. I already know—my year SUCKED.”
Still, I answered the first question: “Did you have a vision for the year?”
YES! I had big plans to grow my business, but then Josh WAS KILLED IN A F-ING CRAB ACCIDENT WHILE HELPING SOME ARROGANT CAPTAIN WHO THOUGHT HE WAS BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
I moved to the next question: “What occurred, evolved, or happened since you set this intention? How would you describe your results?”
The anger bubbled up again. SAME ANSWER. “DITTO,” I scrawled, jabbing my pen hard enough to rip the page.
But then came another set of questions: “What were the highlights of your year? What are you most proud of? What had the most positive impact on you and/or others?”
At first, this stumped me. The bitterness and disappointment I’d been clinging to blocked access to any positive memories. But then I remembered something small yet meaningful—
In the spring, I got to drive my niece to her club volleyball practice two hours away every week. Since she’s a teen, those alone moments are rare. But every single time, she’d say, “This was fun, Auntie Kristin. We should hang out more often.”
That memory softened something inside me. I moved on to the rest of the questions, slowly re-evaluating my year—not through the capitalistic lens of productivity and success, but from a human perspective.
Redefining Growth & Success
Looking back, this shift—choosing to move through my jaded year and see what else was there—became a pivotal moment of growth for me.
One of the reasons I was so jaded was because I was filled with self-loathing. I couldn’t “fix” Josh’s wife’s grief, or Justin’s, or even my own. But leaning into my pain and feelings of failure ultimately made me a better practitioner.
It forced me to learn that it’s not my job to fix.
It’s my job to hold sacred space.
To BE there.
To allow what is.
“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. … However, we are, in fact, in the process of change…”
Those long periods—when something inside us seems to be clawing its way out of our skin… when we’re frozen with uncertainty about our next step… when we feel completely untethered… when we’re angry at the world because deep down, we’re grieving something big—
Personal growth is challenging enough without the added weight of grief and loss. And when we measure success the way the world expects us to—by external achievements, productivity, and met goals—it can leave us feeling like we’ve failed.
But what if there was another way?
I created a guide called Measure Your Year—a reflection tool designed to help you assess your growth through a lens of self-compassion and personal transformation, rather than capitalist productivity.
If you’re looking for a new way to measure your year—one that honors your inner journey as much as your external accomplishments—download Measure Your Year Guide + Bonus Meditation and start your reflection today.
Because even the hardest years have lessons worth harvesting. And you deserve to recognize just how far you’ve come.
Overcoming Grief and Finding Purpose: Turning Tragedy into Action
I bet we all remember where we were when the planes hit the Twin Towers. That moment when the world seemed to freeze. I also remember when the shooting at Columbine High School happened in 1999—a tragedy that shattered so many lives. But what about the others? The school shootings, the tragedies that have come after? Can you name them? Can you remember what you were doing when you first heard about them?
When the Sandy Hook shooting took place on December 14th, 2012, I was at the airport in Florida, about to fly back to Bolivia with my 12-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece. They’d been visiting my family over Thanksgiving, and I was their “guardian” on the way home for Christmas. I watched the news at the airport, my stomach dropping as the horror of it all sunk in. My body froze—mouth open, throat tight, eyes welling up—but I quickly turned my attention to the kids, determined to protect them from the devastation unfolding on the screens around us.
It was all I could do in that moment—protect the children.
But since that day, there have been so many shootings at schools, malls, synagogues, churches, and beyond. Too many to count. Too many to remember what I was doing when I heard. Can you recall them? Is your memory as scattered as mine?
That’s a huge problem.
A Growing List of Losses
Here’s a List of JUST the Schools:
A list of school shootings
From Sandy Hook to the countless others, the list of school shootings alone is staggering. We should be outraged, right? But instead, many of us slip into hopelessness, and worse—apathy. It’s easy to feel like there’s nothing we can do, that the problem is too big.
But don’t let yourself stay stuck there.
Clarissa Pinkola Estés, in her profound wisdom, reminds us:
“In any dark time, there is a tendency to veer toward fainting over how much is wrong or unmended in the world. Do not focus on that. […] Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.”
Overcoming grief and finding purpose isn’t about solving every problem in the world all at once. It’s about reaching for the part we can heal, the action we can take. And in the face of heartbreak and tragedy, action is what wakes us up.
What can you do?
Suggested Actions:
If you feel heartbroken, overwhelmed, or stuck in grief, remember that action is the antidote. Here are a few ways to start mending the world within your reach:
Call Your Representatives Demand that they act on gun reform laws. It’s easy to feel helpless, but calling your local senators and representatives is a small yet powerful action. Here’s how you can contact them:
Support Organizations that Are Making a Difference Glennon Doyle’s Together Rising is one of the many organizations that turn heartbreak into action. They are raising funds to provide immediate support for families and to push for long-term solutions. Check out what they’re doing and consider donating or getting involved.
Take Care of Yourself In times of grief, we often forget the importance of self-care. Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s necessary. It’s how we stay grounded and able to act.
Healing Through Action
Feeling triggered or stuck? That’s normal. After trauma, many of us carry wounds that may not always be visible but are deeply felt. Did you know that 70% of the world’s population experiences psychological trauma at some point? And over 60% of adults in the U.S. have experienced an adverse childhood experience (ACE)? It’s no wonder that overcoming grief and finding purpose feels impossible at times.
But here’s the truth: you don’t have to navigate this alone.
It’s Time to Act
The key to overcoming grief and finding purpose is action. Even small steps make a difference, and the world needs your light. Don’t let the weight of despair freeze you.
Prayers for the Brokenhearted
And finally, if you are heart broken, here are two prayers from Mirabai Starr’s wonderful book of prayers: Mother of God Similar to Fire.
I find this prayer to be comforting:
from MiraBai Starr’s book of prayers: Mother of God Similar to Fire
Are You a News Watcher? You Might Be Damaging Your Health
If you regularly watch the news, it’s time to reconsider the impact it’s having on your emotional and mental health. We’re all tempted to tune in when major events are unfolding, but the truth is, consuming constant news can harm our well-being. Numerous studies, like this one, have shown how it can negatively affect our mental state.
Now, I’m not suggesting you bury your head in the sand like an ostrich, ignoring everything around you. (Although this isn’t a bad choice as long as its a temporary measure!)
Do you like to put your head in the sand when life gets to feel like too much?
What can you do instead?
You can stay informed and make a difference without compromising your emotional health. Let’s talk about how you can create a mindful, emotional diet for mental health that doesn’t leave you feeling drained or overwhelmed. Here are four tips to help you navigate the chaos:
1) Limit Your News Consumption:
Skim through headlines once a day—preferably in a newspaper or online. If you’re a news junkie, try limiting it to twice a day. Avoid checking the news obsessively, especially when it’s overwhelming.
2) Choose One Story and Take Action:
Pick a story that resonates deeply with you. Spend a few moments researching simple actions you can take to help. Feeling like you can make a difference will boost your sense of agency and calm your emotions.
3) Use the Inner Sanctuary Tool:
Before and after engaging with the news, practice the Inner Sanctuary Tool. This will help you calm your nervous system and center your heart. Ask your Wise Self (or pray if that’s your thing) for guidance on one concrete action you can take to either have impact or find peace in the midst of chaos.
4) Build a Playlist of Joy:
Create a playlist of songs that lift your spirits. It’s okay if they’re sad songs that bring you comfort—sometimes music can be the healing balm our souls need.
Think of Your Emotions as Your “Emotional Diet”
I want you to start thinking about your emotions as your “emotional diet.”
“What is an emotional diet?” you might ask. Good question. Just as we consider the impact of what we eat on our physical health, we need to consider how our emotional intake affects our overall well-being. What you choose to “consume” emotionally has as much (if not more) influence on your health as what you eat. Here’s just one study that confirms it.
Though the term “emotional diet” isn’t quite mainstream, we’re moving in the right direction. The conversation around mental health is gaining momentum, with leaders like Simone Biles and Brené Brown opening the door to healthier emotional practices. Global conversations on well-being and the focus on mental health are growing stronger, with more people recognizing the importance of emotional balance in daily life.
What’s YOUR Emotional Diet?
In today’s world, it’s more important than ever to be mindful of what we’re feeding ourselves emotionally. The constant barrage of news, political shifts, and social media pressure can leave us feeling angry, sad, anxious, or burned out. These emotional states leave us in an incoherent state, meaning our bodies and minds aren’t functioning at their best.
Common signs of incoherence include difficulty concentrating, racing thoughts, heart palpitations, or fidgeting. Sound familiar?
The good news is that you can choose your emotional response. When you start thinking of your emotions as part of your emotional diet for mental health, you can make choices that support a healthier mindset and help you feel more balanced.
A Simple Action: Choose What You Consume
If you know watching the news triggers your nervous system, you have permission to simply walk away. Whether it’s leaving the room when your partner is tuned into the latest crisis or muting a news alert, you get to decide what you consume emotionally.
[My own partner is a news junkie, so I’ve become quite skilled at stepping away when the stories start to wear on my peace.]
Ready to Create Your Own Soul Care Routine?
If you’re ready to take charge of your emotional diet and start cultivating a healthier, more balanced state of being, I’ve got something for you.
Download my Soul Care Checklist to get started on building a routine that nourishes your mind, body, and soul. It’s packed with practical tips and tools that will help you thrive—no matter what the world throws your way.
Take action today and start prioritizing your well-being. You deserve it!
I used to be certain I wasn’t a perfectionist. But a deep dive into my own shadows over the past couple of years revealed some surprising truths.
Here’s why I didn’t think I had perfectionist tendencies:
I can be a chronic procrastinator.
I often hit “post” or deliver assignments before triple-checking every word.
I shy away from competing with other women, especially outside of sports.
I love trying new activities without worrying about failing.
I’m definitely not a Type-A, hyper-achiever.
So, with all these “non-perfectionist” behaviors, how could I be one?
But when I really dug into the reasons behind these behaviors, I found they were driven by perfectionism in ways I hadn’t even realized.
Why Perfectionism Drove My Procrastination and Avoidance
Procrastination? It wasn’t about being lazy; I was just trying to avoid putting something out there that wasn’t “good enough.” By waiting until the last minute, I gave myself an excuse for any imperfections.
Avoiding Competition? It wasn’t about being scared of other women; I was afraid of losing—and the story I would tell myself about it if I did.
Taking on Challenges? The bigger, the better! I set unrealistic goals so I could “fail” without anyone expecting success—and that gave me the perfect out.
But that’s not freedom. That’s perfectionism dressed as procrastination, avoidance, and self-sabotage.
The Myth of Perfection
Perfectionism often wears many faces.
It sounds like:
“I must perform flawlessly in all areas of my life while making it look easy.”
Or, “I must make sure I have a really good excuse for not performing at a high level.”
It looks like:
A tendency to demand perfection from ourselves (and others) instead of embracing mistakes and imperfection.
Or, the self-sabotage of avoiding competition or massive goals so there’s no pressure for perfection.
Its main strategy for approval?
To be the best at everything. Or to avoid trying, just to protect yourself from failure.
But either way, perfectionism robs you of your creative confidence, vulnerability, and authenticity—and leaves your nervous system in a state of imbalance.
Does any of this resonate with you? When you evaluate your own behaviors, look at the WHY behind them. Are you protecting yourself from failure? Or are you trying to prove something?
Is There a Healthy Level of Perfectionism?
You might be thinking, “Kristin, surely there’s a healthy level of perfectionism. How else do you explain all those Type-A people who are so successful?”
Well, here’s the truth: there is no such thing as “perfect” when it comes to human beings. Perfectionism will only leave you stuck in feelings of failure, no matter how much you achieve.
And those so-called “successful” perfectionists? Underneath all the achievements, they tend to stress more, feel more anxiety, and struggle to bounce back from setbacks. Success without perfectionism is far more liberating.
How to Balance Your Perfectionist Tendencies
It’s healthy to strive for your best, but it’s important to shift your mindset away from perfection.
Instead of striving for flawlessness, set high—but achievable—standards. This will give you a sense of satisfaction and increase your self-esteem without pushing you to the brink of burnout.
Awareness is the first step to breaking the habit of perfectionism. Then, look at your thought distortions—those habitual patterns of thinking that tend to be inaccurate or overly critical. Common distortions for perfectionists include:
Discounting the positive (e.g., focusing on a mistake and ignoring the positive feedback you received).
Black-and-white thinking (e.g., thinking eating one cookie ruins your entire diet).
“Must-erbation” (living by unrealistic, impossible demands).
Combatting Perfectionism: A Simple Action
Choose one of these distortions that applies to you, and keep a log for a week. When you catch the thought, thank it for its wisdom, but then choose to shift the narrative. For example, if someone compliments your speech, acknowledge the flaw, but also accept the compliment. Your speech may not have been flawless, but you received positive feedback for a reason.
Embrace Progress, Not Perfection
If you’re ready to embrace change and ditch the perfectionism that’s holding you back, I’ve got something for you: my Soul Care Checklist. This free resource is packed with actionable steps that will help you get unstuck, reconnect with yourself, and practice simple rituals that nourish your soul.
You deserve to be fully YOU—without all the perfectionism weighing you down.
I know you’re probably tired of hearing about stress—believe me, I get it. But here’s the thing: whether you’re sick of it or in full-on denial about its impact, stress doesn’t care. It will continue to wreak havoc on your body and mind unless you take real action.
Even if you have great tools for stress management—maybe yoga, trail running, or meditation/prayer each morning—that’s awesome! But here’s the catch: Unless you can interrupt your body’s response to stress in the moment, right when it’s happening, your system is going to keep reacting the same way it always has.
The tools I teach aren’t just for long-term stress management—they help you stop stress in its tracks, as it’s happening. That way, you can choose a different response before your body decides to do something reactive or careless.
Stress becomes a bigger issue when you get used to it.
Over the past few years, have you gotten so used to daily stress—pressures, irritations, annoyances—that it just feels normal? Here’s the kicker: This is exactly when stress is at its most dangerous. When you think you’re handling it but you’ve actually become numb to it, that’s when it messes with your clarity, decision-making, and health.
Think about your response to the most recent headlines—maybe shootings or other tragedies. Did you just flinch and mutter, “The world is a mess,” and move on?
That’s a sign you’re numb to stress. And it’s costing you more than you realize.
When stress runs unchecked, your body pays the price.
Here’s how it works: your stress response system is meant to be self-limiting. Once a threat passes, your hormone levels should return to normal. But when stress is constant, that fight-or-flight reaction stays on. And that long-term activation of stress hormones, like cortisol, disrupts your body’s systems.
This constant churn can lead to:
Anxiety & depression
Digestive problems & headaches
Muscle pain & tension
Heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke
Sleep issues, weight gain, and memory problems
It’s time to interrupt that cycle. This is why coping with stress as it happens is so important. It’s not just about surviving—it’s about thriving in the face of life’s demands.
The body’s stress response is designed to protect you, but if you’re not actively interrupting it, it can quickly start to work against you, leaving you drained, overwhelmed, and disconnected from your true self.
That’s why managing stress in the moment is so crucial. The tools I teach help you do just that—interrupt the stress response as it happens, so you can choose a different, healthier reaction before it spirals into something bigger.
But here’s the thing: sometimes, no matter how many yoga sessions or long runs you get in, you need something more when life feels like it’s hitting you from all sides.
That’s where true soul care comes in.
When life knocks you sideways and a bubble bath just won’t cut it, you need a deeper kind of self-care.
That’s why I created my Soul-Care Checklist.
It’s designed to help you:
🪄 Steady yourself even when the world feels like it’s crumbling. 🪄 Reconnect with your inner calm and reclaim your strength. 🪄 Find clarity for what’s next, even when you’re feeling lost or overwhelmed.
If you’re ready to give yourself the deep care you need, grab your Soul Care Checklist today.
