Navigating Grief and Growth
Reflections on a Challenging Year: Finding Meaning Beyond the Struggle
I scoffed at the student motivational speaker at my nephew’s graduation.
Her speech was uplifting—full of big dreams and bold declarations about how she and her classmates were going to change the world. Normally, speeches like this get me teary-eyed, filling me with HOPE that the next generation might actually save us.
But it was 2019—the year my partner’s brother was killed in a crabbing accident—and I was having none of it.
The weight of grief clouded any sense of hope, and I couldn’t see past the pain to recognize the potential for growth.
“Yeah right,” I muttered internally. “Just wait thirty years. Half of you will be in active addiction, and the other half will be sucked right into the greedy capitalist dream.”
Navigating grief is a challenging journey. In the midst of our loss, my partner and I struggled, neither of us able to face clients, let alone ‘market’ our businesses.
These weren’t our best moments. Justin spent his days deep in online political debates, while I spent the first half of the year binge-watching Marvel shows. I wanted to BE Jessica Jones—her brand of sarcasm and self-deprecation hit me right in the feels.
The Turning Point
A few weeks later, still horrified at my jaded thoughts during that graduation, I decided my depression had gone on long enough. So I did what I always do when I feel stuck—I researched my way out.
I found an online course that promised inspiration, and one of the first activities was to reflect and harvest my year.
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need to do this. I already know—my year SUCKED.”
Still, I answered the first question: “Did you have a vision for the year?”
YES! I had big plans to grow my business, but then Josh WAS KILLED IN A F-ING CRAB ACCIDENT WHILE HELPING SOME ARROGANT CAPTAIN WHO THOUGHT HE WAS BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
I moved to the next question: “What occurred, evolved, or happened since you set this intention? How would you describe your results?”
The anger bubbled up again. SAME ANSWER. “DITTO,” I scrawled, jabbing my pen hard enough to rip the page.
But then came another set of questions: “What were the highlights of your year? What are you most proud of? What had the most positive impact on you and/or others?”
At first, this stumped me. The bitterness and disappointment I’d been clinging to blocked access to any positive memories. But then I remembered something small yet meaningful—
In the spring, I got to drive my niece to her club volleyball practice two hours away every week. Since she’s a teen, those alone moments are rare. But every single time, she’d say, “This was fun, Auntie Kristin. We should hang out more often.”
That memory softened something inside me. I moved on to the rest of the questions, slowly re-evaluating my year—not through the capitalistic lens of productivity and success, but from a human perspective.
Redefining Growth & Success
Looking back, this shift—choosing to move through my jaded year and see what else was there—became a pivotal moment of growth for me.
One of the reasons I was so jaded was because I was filled with self-loathing. I couldn’t “fix” Josh’s wife’s grief, or Justin’s, or even my own. But leaning into my pain and feelings of failure ultimately made me a better practitioner.
It forced me to learn that it’s not my job to fix.
It’s my job to hold sacred space.
To BE there.
To allow what is.
“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. … However, we are, in fact, in the process of change…”
Those long periods—when something inside us seems to be clawing its way out of our skin… when we’re frozen with uncertainty about our next step… when we feel completely untethered… when we’re angry at the world because deep down, we’re grieving something big—
Those times are HARD.
And you shouldn’t have to go through them alone.
(If you’re looking for deeper, personalized support, I’m here to help.)
A Different Way to Measure Your Year
Personal growth is challenging enough without the added weight of grief and loss. And when we measure success the way the world expects us to—by external achievements, productivity, and met goals—it can leave us feeling like we’ve failed.
But what if there was another way?
I created a guide called Measure Your Year—a reflection tool designed to help you assess your growth through a lens of self-compassion and personal transformation, rather than capitalist productivity.
If you’re looking for a new way to measure your year—one that honors your inner journey as much as your external accomplishments—download Measure Your Year Guide + Bonus Meditation and start your reflection today.
Because even the hardest years have lessons worth harvesting. And you deserve to recognize just how far you’ve come.
