Reflections on a Challenging Year: Finding Meaning Beyond the Struggle
I scoffed at the student motivational speaker at my nephew’s graduation.
Her speech was uplifting—full of big dreams and bold declarations about how she and her classmates were going to change the world. Normally, speeches like this get me teary-eyed, filling me with HOPE that the next generation might actually save us.
The weight of grief clouded any sense of hope, and I couldn’t see past the pain to recognize the potential for growth.
“Yeah right,” I muttered internally. “Just wait thirty years. Half of you will be in active addiction, and the other half will be sucked right into the greedy capitalist dream.”
Navigating grief is a challenging journey. In the midst of our loss, my partner and I struggled, neither of us able to face clients, let alone ‘market’ our businesses.
These weren’t our best moments. Justin spent his days deep in online political debates, while I spent the first half of the year binge-watching Marvel shows. I wanted to BE Jessica Jones—her brand of sarcasm and self-deprecation hit me right in the feels.
The Turning Point
A few weeks later, still horrified at my jaded thoughts during that graduation, I decided my depression had gone on long enough. So I did what I always do when I feel stuck—I researched my way out.
I found an online course that promised inspiration, and one of the first activities was to reflect and harvest my year.
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need to do this. I already know—my year SUCKED.”
Still, I answered the first question: “Did you have a vision for the year?”
YES! I had big plans to grow my business, but then Josh WAS KILLED IN A F-ING CRAB ACCIDENT WHILE HELPING SOME ARROGANT CAPTAIN WHO THOUGHT HE WAS BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
I moved to the next question: “What occurred, evolved, or happened since you set this intention? How would you describe your results?”
The anger bubbled up again. SAME ANSWER. “DITTO,” I scrawled, jabbing my pen hard enough to rip the page.
But then came another set of questions: “What were the highlights of your year? What are you most proud of? What had the most positive impact on you and/or others?”
At first, this stumped me. The bitterness and disappointment I’d been clinging to blocked access to any positive memories. But then I remembered something small yet meaningful—
In the spring, I got to drive my niece to her club volleyball practice two hours away every week. Since she’s a teen, those alone moments are rare. But every single time, she’d say, “This was fun, Auntie Kristin. We should hang out more often.”
That memory softened something inside me. I moved on to the rest of the questions, slowly re-evaluating my year—not through the capitalistic lens of productivity and success, but from a human perspective.
Redefining Growth & Success
Looking back, this shift—choosing to move through my jaded year and see what else was there—became a pivotal moment of growth for me.
One of the reasons I was so jaded was because I was filled with self-loathing. I couldn’t “fix” Josh’s wife’s grief, or Justin’s, or even my own. But leaning into my pain and feelings of failure ultimately made me a better practitioner.
It forced me to learn that it’s not my job to fix.
It’s my job to hold sacred space.
To BE there.
To allow what is.
“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. … However, we are, in fact, in the process of change…”
Those long periods—when something inside us seems to be clawing its way out of our skin… when we’re frozen with uncertainty about our next step… when we feel completely untethered… when we’re angry at the world because deep down, we’re grieving something big—
Personal growth is challenging enough without the added weight of grief and loss. And when we measure success the way the world expects us to—by external achievements, productivity, and met goals—it can leave us feeling like we’ve failed.
But what if there was another way?
I created a guide called Measure Your Year—a reflection tool designed to help you assess your growth through a lens of self-compassion and personal transformation, rather than capitalist productivity.
If you’re looking for a new way to measure your year—one that honors your inner journey as much as your external accomplishments—download Measure Your Year Guide + Bonus Meditation and start your reflection today.
Because even the hardest years have lessons worth harvesting. And you deserve to recognize just how far you’ve come.
I used to be certain I wasn’t a perfectionist. But a deep dive into my own shadows over the past couple of years revealed some surprising truths.
Here’s why I didn’t think I had perfectionist tendencies:
I can be a chronic procrastinator.
I often hit “post” or deliver assignments before triple-checking every word.
I shy away from competing with other women, especially outside of sports.
I love trying new activities without worrying about failing.
I’m definitely not a Type-A, hyper-achiever.
So, with all these “non-perfectionist” behaviors, how could I be one?
But when I really dug into the reasons behind these behaviors, I found they were driven by perfectionism in ways I hadn’t even realized.
Why Perfectionism Drove My Procrastination and Avoidance
Procrastination? It wasn’t about being lazy; I was just trying to avoid putting something out there that wasn’t “good enough.” By waiting until the last minute, I gave myself an excuse for any imperfections.
Avoiding Competition? It wasn’t about being scared of other women; I was afraid of losing—and the story I would tell myself about it if I did.
Taking on Challenges? The bigger, the better! I set unrealistic goals so I could “fail” without anyone expecting success—and that gave me the perfect out.
But that’s not freedom. That’s perfectionism dressed as procrastination, avoidance, and self-sabotage.
The Myth of Perfection
Perfectionism often wears many faces.
It sounds like:
“I must perform flawlessly in all areas of my life while making it look easy.”
Or, “I must make sure I have a really good excuse for not performing at a high level.”
It looks like:
A tendency to demand perfection from ourselves (and others) instead of embracing mistakes and imperfection.
Or, the self-sabotage of avoiding competition or massive goals so there’s no pressure for perfection.
Its main strategy for approval?
To be the best at everything. Or to avoid trying, just to protect yourself from failure.
But either way, perfectionism robs you of your creative confidence, vulnerability, and authenticity—and leaves your nervous system in a state of imbalance.
Does any of this resonate with you? When you evaluate your own behaviors, look at the WHY behind them. Are you protecting yourself from failure? Or are you trying to prove something?
Is There a Healthy Level of Perfectionism?
You might be thinking, “Kristin, surely there’s a healthy level of perfectionism. How else do you explain all those Type-A people who are so successful?”
Well, here’s the truth: there is no such thing as “perfect” when it comes to human beings. Perfectionism will only leave you stuck in feelings of failure, no matter how much you achieve.
And those so-called “successful” perfectionists? Underneath all the achievements, they tend to stress more, feel more anxiety, and struggle to bounce back from setbacks. Success without perfectionism is far more liberating.
How to Balance Your Perfectionist Tendencies
It’s healthy to strive for your best, but it’s important to shift your mindset away from perfection.
Instead of striving for flawlessness, set high—but achievable—standards. This will give you a sense of satisfaction and increase your self-esteem without pushing you to the brink of burnout.
Awareness is the first step to breaking the habit of perfectionism. Then, look at your thought distortions—those habitual patterns of thinking that tend to be inaccurate or overly critical. Common distortions for perfectionists include:
Discounting the positive (e.g., focusing on a mistake and ignoring the positive feedback you received).
Black-and-white thinking (e.g., thinking eating one cookie ruins your entire diet).
“Must-erbation” (living by unrealistic, impossible demands).
Combatting Perfectionism: A Simple Action
Choose one of these distortions that applies to you, and keep a log for a week. When you catch the thought, thank it for its wisdom, but then choose to shift the narrative. For example, if someone compliments your speech, acknowledge the flaw, but also accept the compliment. Your speech may not have been flawless, but you received positive feedback for a reason.
Embrace Progress, Not Perfection
If you’re ready to embrace change and ditch the perfectionism that’s holding you back, I’ve got something for you: my Soul Care Checklist. This free resource is packed with actionable steps that will help you get unstuck, reconnect with yourself, and practice simple rituals that nourish your soul.
You deserve to be fully YOU—without all the perfectionism weighing you down.
The Birth of Practical-Magick: A Journey from Chaos to Clarity
I’m going to come straight out and say it: my life has been intense over the past several years. But then, transformation often is.
Between December 2016 and January 2019, my partner and I lost six loved ones. In the midst of that, we were forced to change homes and chose to move into his family’s ancestral Finnish-style log home. It’s lovely—but also old and in constant need of care and repair.
We’re both self-employed, and when you’re navigating profound loss and upheaval, it’s hard to find the energy to bring in clients. Financial stress followed. And this was all BEFORE 2020 turned the world upside down.
Transforming Comparison Judgment
Like so many women, I often fall into “comparison worthiness,” telling myself I shouldn’t complain because others have it worse. And sure, that’s true. But as a wise friend once posted:
“We can be grateful for what we have AND feel depressed. We can hold compassion for someone in a darker space AND feel anguish in our own space. We can recognize our luck AND cry for five hours at our misfortune. We can feel all the feelings AND be a better human for it.”
—Becca
But instead of offering myself that grace, I tortured myself with “comparison judgment.” I watched other practitioners “making it” by following the latest guru-approved marketing trend—“Fill Your Retreats,” “Pack the Room,” “Sell Your Beta Course.” I tried them all (well, most). And none of them worked for me. My business barely grew, leaving me feeling like a failure at entrepreneurship.
And it wasn’t just my business. I wasn’t following through on promises to myself. I let go of daily creative practices. I spent less time in the lake, with family, reading, moving my body. It all started slipping away.
The Gift of an Injured Shoulder
Then came the unexpected gift—an injured shoulder, pandemic unemployment, and a financial cushion that gave me permission to pause. To heal. Physically, yes. But also emotionally. Spiritually.
Who knew that a car accident leading to surgery and a long recovery would be the catharsis I needed?
ca·thar·sis /kəˈTHärsəs/ noun “the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.”
I didn’t. Not at first. I was frustrated. I wasn’t healing as fast as expected. I had to take more time off work than I “should.” My business languished.
And yet… I continued physical therapy. Somatic therapy. Created beautiful spaces in my garden. Swam. Laughed. Cried. Restored my family’s rental cabin. Spent time with my partner. My friends. Myself.
And I hired a marketing coach who let me move at my own, slow pace.
Rooting In and Growing
My goal became simple: root into my business. Really understand what I do. So, I wrote about it. Every single morning. Journaling through frustration, through repetition, through slow, unfolding clarity.
Who is my client? What do I DO? What is my thought leadership? My philosophy? What makes me different? Unique?
What I came to realize was that over those long, stressful years, I had grown.
I’m no longer afraid of the shadows. I can stand with my clients in their darkest moments without feeling the need to rush them back into the light. I can hold duality better. I no longer feel like I have to be perfect, or that my whole life needs to look like an Instagram highlight reel.
I realized that my greatest gift is… me.
My history. My eclectic experiences. My energy. My humor. My way of weaving science and story, physiology and myth, structured tools and sacred mystery. Anyone can teach these things, but no one else can do it quite like I do.
Learning from the Trees
Over time, as the seasons turned and the leaves fell, my business evolved too:
What I DO is hold sacred space for women to fully live their messy, beautifully sacred lives. To be imperfect AND radiant at the same time. To slow down. To ponder. To love. To root into themselves. To make room for mystery. To stop rushing toward an endless finish line.
I offer them a sanctuary where they can be seen, heard, and loved—exactly as they are.
The Birth of Practical-Magick
And who I AM is an Intuitive Soul Guide. A Sacred Depths Practitioner. A Transformational Coach.
I study human physiology, the neurobiology of emotions, the psychobiology of women. But I also immerse myself in myths, archetypes, and mystery. Mother Earth is my second mother. Creative practices—art, writing, movement—are my medicine.
THIS. This is what I do. And what makes it Magick… is me.
I’ve always called what I do “Practical-Magick.”
And so, this new/old business is birthed in darkness, ready to walk with others through both shadow and light.
